When to Shave Your Head.

So you have been wanting to shave your head forever, but haven’t had the vulva to do it yet. Maybe you, like me, watched Empire Records as a young teen and felt transformed along with Robin Tunney as she shaved her head to melancholy music in the bathroom, sad rebellion in her eyes as her hair fell in clumps into the dirty sink.

Maybe you knew a girl like that in high school, and thought she was the coolest, and wished you were cool enough to make friends with her. Maybe you were that girl in high school, and if so, power to you for being so brave.

I like to answer the question of ‘when is the perfect time to shave my head?’ like this: Never, and Always. 

There is Never a time in life that feels 100% comfortable to shave your head, there will Always be many people to talk you out of it because they are attached to your hair even if you aren’t. Shaving your head will Never not be a totally jump off a cliff’s worth of Adrenaline. Shaving your head will Always freak you out up until the moment you actually take the buzzers to your head, even if you know for sure it is what you want. There will Never be a perfect time to shave your head, until, one day, there is.

And then, you will know. You will be scared shitless. And you will just do it. So be sure to have your clippers ready when the moment hits.

My Shaved Head

This is a drawing of me by my friend Maurice Caldwell Jr. that was done a month or so after I shaved my head……The only known visual documentation that it ever happened. (twas before social media.)

I shaved my head on a whim once. I had been feeling like something wasn’t right, like I was outgrowing my own skin. I was restless and bored. I was hungry for something and I didn’t know what.

So, I showed up early for work one day, shaved my head with the help of a friend, and moved on with my life. It was a real learning experience for me to walk through life without hair. I started noticing more subtleties and nuances about how I felt about myself. It was like putting up a mirror that showed me who I truly was, instead of who I thought I wanted to be.

I realized that other people not thinking I was pretty was not actually that upsetting. I realized that I liked the feeling of looking unexpectedly, uniquely like myself for once. I realized that being mistaken for a boy wasn’t a problem for me. I realized that I had a lot of unlearning to do in my personal life and in my career.

I found out I was pregnant with my daughter Marley 2 weeks later. I was bald and pregnant. Life was all the sudden very interesting and colorful. I all of the sudden had real life choices to make, and the budding agency and confidence to make them. I was transforming to a new life M.O. as I realized that I was the one in the drivers seat.

Great Reasons to Shave your Head:

 

  • Because you are drunk and you are in a bar bathroom in Berlin and someone dares you to.
  • To show your mom who you really are.
  • Because you are going through a breakup.
  • Because you find yourself unnecessarily stuck in a cycle of obsession with how you are seen by others and you want to break free.
  • Because you are ready to start living life differently.
  • Because something hasn’t felt right for a really long time and though you may not understand it, you are ready to move past it.
  • Because you just experienced a major shift.
  • Because you just lost someone you really love. 
  • Because you want to atone for energetic karma.
  • Because you are on the verge of a major change and you realize that there will never be the right time, so the time has to be now. 
  • Because you are ready to jump off the hamster wheel of harsh chemical hair treatments and start fresh.
  • Because you are going to lose your hair to Chemo
  • No reason at all, but because something besides reason tells you to just fucking do it.

 

This last one is important to me personally, because I have had the honor of working with many women who are embarking on their Chemo Journey, and It is such a powerful experience to take control of the destiny of your hair in a time when so much is happening to your body that feels out of control. The Chemo head shave is a deeply transformative ritual that begins the process of loving, honoring and healing the body throughout the  experience of Cancer Treatment. It also just makes it easier to emotionally deal with quick hair-loss to just remove the hair first and move on.

DIY Head Shave 

I am in favor of the DIY head shave, because it is a little more personal when you do it yourself, and it is nearly impossible to mess up. All you need is a whim, some music, a dry head of hair, a 3 way mirror, clippers and a #3 guard.

You can also ask a friend to be on hand to clean you up around the edges as-needed.

Before you start shaving, think about what you are letting go of by removing your hair. Give yourself a big hug for making the conscious choice to let go and move on. Get ready to greet yourself with love and celebration on the other side. 

Start buzzing.

Our next several blog posts will document women in times of transformation, shaving their heads and celebrating with color.

xo, HTHG

 

 

Sisterhood and Solidarity follow-up! Please read this lovely story.

About a year ago, 2 sisters came into the salon together…..One was cutting off all her hair to give to her sister for a wig to be made. It was a tale of basic human awesomeness on all levels. Read the backstory here and then come back for this follow-up. Last week, I got an email from Katy, receiver of the wig. Here is what it said.

NEW HAIR

You know, I never thought much about how I looked.  Beautiful was (and is) a weird word to me, as my preferred descriptive words were always more along the lines of smart, musical, athletic, or funny.

 

But, with the brain cancer diagnosis and the direct choices given to me by my neurosurgeon and radiation oncologist put me in a place where I would live with partial, but permanent, hair loss for the rest of my hopefully long life.  And that changed my perspective in a way.  I became a bit more self conscious about my appearance.  The hair loss is localized to the top of my head, which is something I am grateful for.   It is fairly easy to hide it under a bandana or a hat, as the rest of my head has healthy hair growth.  Even so, I found that it also sometimes made me feel a bit isolated.  It can be hard to relate to folks who want to have beautiful hair or don’t care at all, when all I want is to feel like myself when I look in the mirror.  

 

Lucky for me, a family friend had gone through breast cancer and found Anton’s Hair Company in Bellevue.  They hand make custom wigs and partial hair pieces for anyone dealing with hair loss.  I know of a couple men who have gone to them as well.  Their website (www.antonshair.com) doesn’t have a ton of info on it, but Anton is a gentleman who hails from Austria.  He learned the craft of wig making by working with the Vienna Opera, making wigs for the costumes.  He and his son Kurt hand stitch the hair into a custom fit wig cap that attaches to a client’s head via special tape to or clips for people like me who actually have hair to clip into.  They craft them to last, unlike a lot of cheaper wigs that don’t attach the hairs as securely.

 

The first wig was out of my own hair, saved from surgery, plus some donated hair.  Unfortunately,  the following hair cut left it crooked and shorter than I like.  

 

The second came from a generous friend whose hair closely, but not exactly, matched mine.  I liked that it was longer, but still took a bit of work on my part to get the texture to match.  I will always be grateful for this one because it allowed me to play with the length of the layering of my own hair underneath.

 

The third is the one you helped me with.  My sister went to crazy lengths for me… literally!  What was it, 20 inches or so?  It took a few months for them to get the wig built- good news for their business if they have a backlog of clients.  And, it has taken a few more for me to sit down and write about it.  (I have a Carepage “blog” update that I have been procrastinating on as well.)  Sorry for that, but I’m here now!

 

Here’s me the day I got the piece.  Our hair blends together so well, you really can’t tell the difference!  

 

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Here I am after a trip to the salon the next day.  It needed some taming after so much time waiting around and then getting stitched into the wig cap.  

 

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I liked the curls, so the next time I washed it, I went back.

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It doesn’t need to be washed all that often- I am back in hats or bandanas a lot of times when I’m at home or out running around.  I may not always curl it after washing, because it is fun to play with as it is.

It’s still a bit weird to see myself as a “baldie” when I “take my hair off”, but the well developed smile lines in my cheeks and eyes still feel like me.  

More importantly- guess who looks in the mirror now and feels good about the way she looks?!?  

You did a great job with Jenn’s hair, too.  We’re both enjoying our new ‘dos!

Thanks,
Katy Wrenn Rock

P.S. If you’re curious to read the rest of my story for yourself, you can find it here: http://www.carepages.com/carepages/katywrenn

 

IMG_1390Babes, this is one of my all-time favorite hair stories from my career. It was such a pleasure and honor to be a little part of it and I’m glad to be able to share it with you. BTW, here is Katy’s sister Jenn’s hair a year later.

Such lovely sisters.

Fuck Cancer! The world lost a Warrioress and a great hairdresser.

Screen Shot 2014-06-14 at 6.40.49 PMFirst off, fuck cancer. There, I said it. The upside though, of dying of cancer is the prolonged downpour of love and support that comes with that personal, drawn out fight for life.

(all photos courtesy of the betsyscancer.tumblr) Screen Shot 2014-06-14 at 6.40.28 PM

For those lucky enough to have partners, friends, and family that absolutely love and adore them and fight with them throughout their battle, the experience is about the highest form of REALLY LIVING LIFE there can be. Which is so beautiful and rich and real.

This is how I feel, having experienced this battle as a loved-one supporter too many times than I am comfortable with. And it makes me want to appreciate every little drop with every loved one on this earth.

I write this post today to pay fucking tribute to a really really great woman, friend, and hairdresser that I had the pleasure of working with my first several years at Vain.

I am going to keep it short. In the words of Derek Zoolander, I am not a eugooglizer.
I want to tell the whole story as I saw it from beginning to end. From working with Betsy Hansen, learning to do hair from her, laughing with her, going to hear her band play (Blank-its) to parting ways, losing touch, thinking of her every time I wore her band t-shirt, hearing the news of her diagnosis of stage 4 colon cancer, following her progress and journey with her incredible husband Jonny through their tumblr site, thinking of her every time I did a star pattern cut or color, every time I taught or demonstrated a ponytail cut or color technique, every time I blew a fart away with my blowdryer (She taught me all these things.)

Screen Shot 2014-06-14 at 6.40.17 PMI will think of Betsy always, fondly, with a smile. I will think of her when I see a great swingy shag haircut that looks like it is moving even when it isn’t. And when I see red hair in 3 shades, copper, apricot, and dark cool russet. When we worked together, those were her colors. And when I see amazing color-block work. I will think of her when I look at the sweet painting she did for my daughter Marley when she was born.

I want to extend my love and gratitude to her husband Jonny who adored her from the get-go and loved and cared for her for every minute of the 10 years and 1 day they spent together. And to her family, and to her friends, and to her clients and colleagues and everyone who had the pleasure of knowing.

RIP Bets. You fought hard, harder than most of us could ever imagine. Give em hell up there.

xoxo, Roxie Jane Hunt

A hair story of sisterhood and solidarity.

IMG_8264Last Friday started out like any other day. I dreaded rolling out of bed. Since I gave up coffee a month ago and it has been so cold outside, getting out of bed has been like pulling teeth.

Once up, the rush and mayhem ensued of my husband and I getting our kids ready for school and trying to dress myself for work in something other than my usual pajama like lounge attire. I was swept up like a pile of hair on a windy day.

I managed to fix myself a cup of green tea on my way out the door. No breakfast, not because I wasn’t hungry. Because on the list of family needs on a Friday morning, mine got caught up in the windy hair pile and blew to the side. ‘ Why do I do this to myself?’ I thought.

Driving to work, I felt sorry for myself for not eating breakfast. Then, I felt resentful that my husband didn’t notice that I hadn’t eaten, Then, I shamed myself for feeling sorry for myself and silently apologized to my husband for being unfair and not speaking my mind. I tried to pry my mind out of the long tight braid of guilt for feeling self pity, shame for feeling guilt, and pity for feeling shame. There are bigger things than this.

I wonder what my work day will bring? My days at Vain are always different. I work with a dynamic and talented crew of people that I love. I have a clients from all over the map…..Strong, opinionated thinkers who are picky about their hair, quiet people who don’t know what they want, loud people who want what they can’t have. Just people, generally, with hang-ups like the rest of us.

I love doing hair, and I appreciate the client/stylist relationship and how it exults me out of the well-worn grooves of my own psyche and offers me a peak into the personal lives of others, a unique bond that is protected by secrecy and understanding. I hold their secrets, and the secrets of their hair. Sometimes their hair tells me secrets that they don’t even know. And I keep that bond between hair and I. Sometimes the bond is simply between my hands and their hair. Unspoken and unexplored by the brain and heart. Just simply tactile.

I hurriedly greeted my first client of the day with an “It’s nice to meet you” and a warm smile. My go-to welcome to new clients. There is nothing like a handshake and a smile with good eye contact to win em over.

Her eyes looked back at me saying “We have already met.”

I realize that I had cut her hair before. Granted, it was a long time ago. But come on. I’m an idiot. Shame started creeping back in but was intercepted by a sweep of self-preservation…..Skills I have developed from years of doing hair……Phrases like ‘Leave your bags at the door’ and ‘put on your gameface’ flashed through my head. I took a breath and breathed out slowly and silently ‘Be present.’ Okay. here I am. I find my footing.

“Oh yes! Hello. It has been a while” I said, noting the entourage of people she seemed to have along with her. A baseball-cap clad sister, an older man, a second young woman, and a tiny and good-looking baby. “welcome back” I said and I led her to my chair. As we walked back to my station, her sister followed behind.

The story I am about to tell pulled me back out of the little world that exists inside my head and into the world in front of me, where sisterhood and courage and solidarity and humility and letting-go-of-shit exists.

She sat down in my chair and with a touch of nonchalance and a smile, told me her story. As I worked my hands through her hair, recollections of her first haircut came flooding back. I didn’t remember the exact haircut itself, but the important events of her life that she had told me were as clear as day. She had been pregnant with her first child and had an cool and sordid conception story. She was a smart and savvy project manager in the tech world, she had a sister who had had an aggressive cancer and had permanently lost most of her hair with radiation treatments. Her sister and I exchanged a quick smile and introduction.

She brought me up to speed. Baby was born, healthy and sweet. She was about to start back at work. She had found a nanny that she really liked. She was here today to cut off all her hair to give to her sister. Her sister would have a wig-cap made with it to fill in the top of her head with her sisters beautiful silky hair that was essentially the same texture as her own hair, that now grew only on the sides and back of her head.

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She was essentially radiating absolute resolve and excitement about going short for the first time in her life. And she was generously sharing an important and personal part of herself with her sister, who was visibly ecstatic to receive it. After years of baseball caps and wigs that never quite felt like her own, she was IMG_8243ready to adopt her sisters hair.

The vibe of these sisters was infectious. I felt absolute honor to be able to be a tiny part of this process.

We discussed a course of action. She had to take 18 inches off, and her hair was 20 inches long. We agreed that a pixie was her best bet to start with, and we discussed the grow out process and her excitement to go ShamPHree.

We would put her hair in many ponytails all over her head, and cut them off at the base, leaving 2 inches of her hair still on her head. IMG_8244IMG_8247Her tails would be neat and easy to transport and keep together for the wig-maker (guy on the east side, former wig maker for the Viennese opera?! hopefully more on this guy later!)

IMG_8248She would be left with a somewhat ragged looking hack-job. We would then create the perfect pixie cut for her fine hair and face shape.

 

 

 

 

 

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All of the above happened while her sister and father stood by, excitedly snapping photos and giggling. Her sister playfully tucked a couple tales into her hat to try on her new hair. It looked fabulous.

IMG_8252 IMG_8253I’m not sure what I loved more about this experience…..The strength and bravery of the giver of the hair, or the giddy excitement of receiver. I could see that I was bearing witness to a very intimate and unforgettable family event. God I love my job.

They all left together, with smiles abound and a brown bag full of 18 inch ponytails. I continued my day with a heart full of bubbly effervescence and lightness in my step. It was so simple. I had just witnessed the good stuff that life is made of. The meaning of life. Love really is the answer.

And at the end of the day,  it’s only hair.

Please share this story if you know and love someone who has lost their hair. Thanks for being here!

xoxo, HTHG

 

 

 

 

 

Post chemo hair question…

I am a fan and a cancer survivor. I have been cancer free for five years now but the oncologists took my ovaries at 35. I am 44 now and I am the most vivacous girl you could imagine. I am a punk rock girl at 44.

When I wake up in the morning. I see old lady scary hair. Like, angel hair times 100. Scary frizzy angel hair.

Frizzy and ultra thin.

I know this must not be your specialty, but do you have any advice for a post-cancer girl?

I had brief chemo but the biggest impact on my life post-cancer was the oophorectomy.

I survived! Rules! But forever after I will have this silly lame-o hair. I have tried rogaine and all, but still, though I have blessedly have survived, I will still win.
I am 44 and maybe I am the girl that makes you think 44 is not so bad.

_Chrissy

Well this is just awesome. I myself have never gone through chemo, but I have many loved ones and clients that have. Anyone out there have a similar story or advice to give? Do you know someone going through this right now? Share this post and let’s get some more stories shared and questions answered!

Thank you, Chrissy.